![]() ![]() Even the other sex scenes (which had been vanishing from the series) never felt this tacked on.ĭonna, Nicole, Rico, and Bruce arrive in Louisiana, where the girls fly in this weird boat/plane thing while the guys use an SUV. ![]() ![]() This is the first time the series has really felt like softcore porn. Lucas picks her up there, and there’s a jarring cut to a sex scene between the two of them. I’m pretty sure she was crocheted into it. Lucas picks up Edy, who is doing a Country Western lingerie concert, and I don’t even know how I can describe what she’s wearing. The good guys leave Vegas.Īva/Skip get transported to the Death Zone, while Kane mutters about shiatsu. It’s worth noting here that Bruce is in his black leather vest with no shirt. Hey, it wouldn’t be a Girls, Guns, and G-Strings movie without bizarre weaponry. There’s a chase, and Bruce and Rico show up to save the day, which Rico does with some kind of weird hand-held rocket mortar. She’s so 1991 she looks like a modern Jim Lee design. This team consists of a weird bald guy, and a shapely woman in the most ’91 ensemble ever, consisting of a ripped up thong onesie, black leather pants, and a half jacket with shoulder pads. This gives the second team of assassins time to get on our heroines’ tail. They’re just picking up a model helicopter, because of course they are. The ladies arrive in Vegas and immediately attend a model airplane show, which is just as bizarre as it sounds. This happens every time one of the teams of assassins gets taken out. The computer beeps, and they get to it in time to see the names Duke/Woody get transported to a box called the Death Zone. Meanwhile, Kane gives a topless massage to a young woman, and I hate everything. Donna and Nicole shoot back, and this time it’s Nicole shooting the thing down with a rocket. These two guys attack from a helicopter (the same one that appeared in Guns), but fortunately they attended the Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy. The first team of assassins attacks before noon, which only serves to annoy our grouchy heroines. Mystery solved.ĭonna calls up agency boss Lucas, and he titles at them that they’re in a “Do or die situation.” I suspect they will be invincible. Only Sidaris somehow knew and he totally calls it out when Nicole says, “Don’t you do your best thinking in here?” So, yeah, Donna’s brain is fed through warm chlorinated water absorbed through her nipples. Supermarket and I have referred to as their “thinkin’ tub”) with Nicole, and they’re both topless because they have to be to think. The ladies head home and the greatest thing ever happens. Then one of Kane’s thugs slips a tracking device on Donna’s watch without her noticing, and the bad guys leave. You need the opportunity to use your skills and resources. “Why not kill us now?” they wonder aloud, not understanding that maybe that should be an internal monologue. Anyway, he tells them that he knows they’re government agents, he’s had it with their nonsense, and his dispatching six teams of assassins to kill them. Donna and Nicole are pulled out of it to meet bad guy Kane. Synopsis: We open on a luau, because goddamn it, we’re in fucking Hawaii. IMDB User Lists Appearing On: Trash & Treasure, List D, Watchlist + +, trash movie night, Owned Movies on DVD IMDB Plot Keywords: assassin, sex, cleavage, gun action, director cameo This doesn’t mean the acting is any better, though. Playmate Quotient: Surprisingly low! Speir, Vasquez, and Brimhall are the only actual Playmates on hand. Miyagi, and this movie has a woman grabbing his dick. There might be no more sacrosanct character from my youth than Mr. And yes, he is frequently shirtless and massaging or being massaged by a woman young enough to be his granddaughter’s much younger cousin. Lastly, Pat Morita plays bad guy Masakana “Kane” Kaneshiro. Newcomer Stephanie Schick (better known by her classy sobriquet Pandora Peaks) rounds out the cast (sorry) as new agent Atlanta Lee. Shane are all back as Bruce Christian, Edy Stark, Lucas, and Shane Abilene respectively. They’re the Even Couple.īruce Penhall, Cynthia Brimhall, William Bumiller, and Michael J. Nicole basically has the same personality as Donna does. Since she was introduced in Hard Ticket to Hawaii, Donna was the glowering, no-nonsense one, which contrasted well with bubbly, goofy Taryn. Supermarket hit on the problem with these two within seconds: they’re pretty much the same character. And to make matters creepier, he’s romancing Donna this time around.ĭona Speir and Roberta Vasquez return as Donna and Nicole. There’s no comment about his uncanny resemblance to the Jack of Diamonds, either. Pat Morita has to pay the rent, same as you.Ĭast: Erik Estrada’s back, though this time he’s playing good guy Colonel Richard “Rico” Estevez. ![]()
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